lost and found

today i was cleaning out the clutter of old receipts and expired gifts cards from my wallet, when i stumbled upon a folded piece of blue paper. this is what it said......

"How we look for these big, dramatic miracles. How we want the glass of water to magically rise up off the table. How we overlook the miracle that there is a glass at all in the first place. And given the universe, isn't the REAL MIRACLE that the glass doesn't just float up and away."
-Augusten Burroughs

it made me laugh....i love the line, but don't care too much at all for the person that put it there.

The worst day of my life (so far).

The worst day of my life...

how does one approach this? i'm still shaking...

i just saw a kid die. a young boy half way through "his first year in kindergarten". his mother kept screaming that.. i watch his life fall apart. it was a car accident. two brothers were playing, the mother had neglectfuly let them fall far behind. i watch them walk down the street as i noticed them about 50 feet ahead of me as i left my apartment. at the corner of wilson and malden...the mother had crossed, the boys slowly following. why the fuck doesn't this intersection have a stop sign?! why the fuck can't people take care of their kids?! they were pretending to hide, then cross the street like military men in training -i remember doing the same shit at that age. i know his life; he'll never know 22. the oncoming car had no idea. his brother reached for him, but retreated behind the parked cars lining the street. the driver tried to break; tried to swirve ....too much; too late. the force caused the car to spin out and fucking crush this little boy up againt a goddamn, rusted-out, old chevy truck. it was silent, all but the screams of the mother and the whimper of his brother. everyone around knew what happened. you could feel it, it was thick. fucking creepy. i still feel it. they pronounced him D.O.A. i could tell when they told the mother -she burst into tear and collapsed. followed by vailing of the black sheet, well that said it all. we all knew it, as i said, but wow, it some how symbolized it better or something. I broke down when giving my report. i couldn't help it. it took 3 tries. what a fucking wuss. the cops assured me from where i was there was nothing i could have done . but why would they tell me otherwise? what the fuck do they know?!?! i could have at least started running. but running in forsight. it flashed so fast. but still. why, do things like this happen?!??!! what the hell did this kid ever do to this world?! not a damn thing.


goodnite....i need a drink.

File under "U" for "Useless"

"There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organization. If there are such things as angels, I hope that they are organized along the lines of the Maffia"
-Winston Niles Rumfoord

The object of our being is not a purpose per se, but much more a problem -this problem having unbelievably powerful consequences. All sorts of scholars, theologians, and arm-chair philosophers will offer their suggestions as to how we are to define our purpose or those characteristics humans ought to develop. One human form will declare the mind to be the only muscle worth exercising, while another will explain the mind to be dependent on the strength of the body -so body and mind are of equal importance and both worth developing. What they falsely assume is that we are worth a damn to begin with, as if we are so special that we were meant to serve some greater good -arrogance is a powerful drug.

So it will continue like this until we have categorized every last thought and dream we have in our heads -filing them all away in alphabetical order of course. It is this idea of categories that interests me. Basically, I believe the concept of "rationality" to simply be our amazing ability to organize and categorize. I will even go as far as to dare anyone to consider a facet of our existence that is not built entirely on organization.

Let's look at concepts and objects we are familiar with. Starting with these characters and symbols I am tossing around, making words; the same symbols you are decoding in order to make sense of all this chaos. When we use language we are shoe-horning concepts and experiences into commonly accepted forms (i.e. words). Studying a singular word can continue until the end of time if anyone has the interest. Words consist of letters that having meaning and the words have symbolic meaning and that meaning is built on another and so it goes. Using words we have created existence. "I" is an easy way to categorize all the infinitely useless and complex attributes of Man.

Math is just an example of Man..s desperate passion for making sense of things. Arithmetic existed before someone defined the word and studied it as a discipline; so should we really feel special for having codified it so nicely? I would say "No." That brings up an interesting point -the justification for "right and "wrong"; for "yes" and "no" Look, we did it again! We have constructed more categories, two separate files for what is acceptable by others. The first of these files is embedded, or perhaps more accurately overlapping, into that category of ours that seem to bring us pain. The second file overlapping and tied into that which brings us pleasure. You add to that the category titled ..empathy.. and just like that, you have Morality. Damn, we are good.
For all the holes in what I just said, I apologize.

Look mom, no hands.

Eminent Domain: The appropriation of property by a ruling party to provide a greater good for the surrounding community.

In our life times we have seen this law enacted for the sake of public transportation, for building new shopping malls and parking garages. I couldn't imagine anyone ever expecting the whole planet to be seized by a single piece of legislation. God bless you, Dr. Paul K. Murphy S.J.

Dr. Murphy SJ was the head of an underground party whose purpose, among other things, was to consult national governments on foreign policy and generally run the global show from behind closed doors. The organization was every conspiracy theorists dream; the ranks were filled by members of the Free Masons, Jesuits, Skull & Bones, Avon Cosmetics, and other various federal intelligence agencies. I wish I could tell you the name of such an elite organization, but due to the extreme secrecy the group thought it would be best to not give themselves a title. The most regularly circulated rumors were that they had invented a time machine and we also responsible for regulating global interest rates. I over someone once saying they were pulling string for the '85 Bears...

The results of a thirty year investigation into the energy consumption habits of the planet had finally been concluded and placed in the hopper for evaluation. The report was summarized on a single sheet of 8.5x11 inch paper and stuffed into a manila envelope. This is what the 8.5x11 sheet said, "We are DOOMED, better think of something quick! You have three months to make a decision." Apparently we had been burning fossil fuels at a rate 400 times faster than our planet could keep up with. Prospects for alternative fuel supplies such as hydroelectricity and solar power had been dwindling for decades, mostly due to our own wasteful and destructive ways.

Doomsday became priority #1. With less than two month remaining until every last oil well was sucked dry, Dr. Murphy SJ had pieced together a plan to give the planet another shot. In short, his plan was to declare eminent domain on the planet, blow the dust off the time machine, beam the signal across the globe using satellite technology, and safely relocate our existence to a point in the future –giving Earth adequate time to heal our wrongs. The operation went off without a hitch, or so it seemed.

Peoples' lives continued on without ever realizing they had been beamed ten thousand years into the future. The only ones who noticed anything were the heads of the Big Nine oil refiners –who simply attributed the increased oil supply to dumb luck and clerical errors.

These forward leaps were required to take place about every 30 years or so. After the fifth jump a new problem arose and a new manila envelope was opened. This is how it read, "We are DOOMED, better think of something quick! The sun is going to explode! You have two days." Someone mentioned traveling back in time but this was surely a silly idea considering we had already used up all that oil. The organization discussed various solutions, the only worthwhile suggestion was offered by a simple intern –Sean Winthrop had a plan, a golden plan, a plan to save our asses...